We get it—you don’t just want to date. You want to date men who are actually relationship-ready, who are comfortable in their own skin, and who are self-aware and enlightened.
(Yes, by the way: they do exist and a lot of them are single!)
So, what are these men looking for?
Thankfully, the men that you want to date aren’t looking for some fantasy woman who is buxom but suspiciously thin; or a myth-like woman who is a CEO and can run a perfect home.
The great thing about dating in your forties and beyond, is that men have had experience, too. They have grown and changed during their first marriages or relationships, and are now looking for real women!
Real women, to put it briefly, are those who can be themselves.
Real women have confidence. A woman who knows how to love herself is able to love others. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it. She can say “no” with conviction, because she knows she is being true to herself. A confident woman doesn’t have to go out of her way to please her man.
She doesn’t twist herself into a pretzel to accommodate her S.O.’s needs because she knows that a relationship asks that both parties know themselves and, at the same time, jointly come to agreements that don’t compromise who they truly are.
Intelligence. Really great men aren’t intimidated by intelligence; they embrace it. Relationships are full of ups and downs; they have high points and a whole lot of blah moments (movies show candlelit dinners but they don’t show that awkward hour when you’re waiting for a table).
Sometimes a good match is defined by how you both relate to each other in those blah moments. Will you surprise each other? Can you talk about a number of subjects; are you curious and always learning?
Good! You should never have to hide who you are; you should never have to make yourself smaller than you are to make your man comfortable.
Oh, what you would give for a sense of humor, right?
Well, he’s not that different—he’s looking for someone who is able to see the lighter side of life. We’re not talking about some Pollyannaish airhead—we’re just saying that being able to laugh at yourself and the crazy world around you are huge for him.
There’s something about partnering with someone who has a sense of adventure (and who can make waiting for a table kind of fun) that is absolutely priceless.
Real women have independence. In the true sense of the word. It’s not that real women never need help, or are perfectly self-sufficient. Nobody is. But mature independence means that you have your own life and that a man is going to enhance your life, not complete it.
High-quality men like to see that you have your own friends and family, your own goals, your own ways of doing things. Why? It means that they are not responsible for your happiness (how many of our failed relationships have been falsely based on this belief?)
Lastly, real women are kind. They are kind to their partners and they are kind to themselves. Men look for this because women who are kind have a certain level of respect for everyone around them. They are wise enough to know that everyone deserves to be treated well.
So, if a date turns out to have a little less hair than his picture; if he turns out to be two (that’s being generous) or four (that’s more like it) inches shorter than he said he was? Don’t ghost him. Don’t roll your eyes. Just get in touch with that warm, compassionate side of you that maybe has told a white lie or two about your own height (which included heels) or your “perfect” dog (leaving out the fact that he/she humps everything in sight), and look for the other qualities that intrigued you.
You aren’t an airhead (thank god). You’re a real woman. And your confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, independence, and kindness all come in a package that is uniquely you.
The lovely thing about that is that you can just be yourself. You can have the confidence to say, this is who I am, and this is who you are: Let’s see if it works out. And even if he turns out not to be the guy for you, you know how to look back and see the fun in the adventure you had, and have the confidence that a new guy will come along.
Be sure to join my private Facebook Group: FindRealLoveAfter40. If you’re ready to regain yourself confidence and start attracting “good” men, then apply to my 90-Day Find Real Love After 40 Signature Program by clicking on the link below.